I was reminded this week by a friend of mine who lives in Boston, about the lack of Dunkin Donuts in the Kansas City area. If you ever go to Boston, however, you will see Dunkin Donuts practically on every street corner. We have donut chains in Kansas City, but nothing like that.

What we do have, though, is Krispy Kreme. The only time I have ever had Krispy Kreme donuts was when I lived in Rochester, NY, and the grand opening of a new store was big news. My brother and his friend waited in line over thirty minutes to buy a dozen of their standard donuts. It’s been many years since they bought them, but I can still remember the greasy feel of the donut in my mouth, and the quick sugar rush that ultimately caused a nasty headache. It felt like what I imagine a few lines of cocaine would feel like, but not quite as healthy.

If there is any food that is a “Hell Food”, it’s probably Krispy Kreme donuts. One donut has 200 calories, 100 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, and 22 grams of carbohydrates. It is also one of the most unsatisfying things you can eat. It’s mostly air and sugar, and does nothing to fill you up. Most likely, you will end up having a second one. There is not one redeeming thing about eating a Krispy Kreme donut. Over five years since my last Krispy Kreme, I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

I need an apple.